Monday, December 22, 2008

Christmas

Christmas is complicated. As are some people. I think I might be one of them, having lived alot of my life with an intensity and at times a recklessness that frightened alot of people, and left some in heaps at the side of the road. My family I think, believes me to be a bit left of center. I am not sure I ever knew where center was. Maybe that's not true, a lie...but a little one. Maybe it was always my choice not to be centered.
Christmas is complicated. I am not able to make and to be present. It is the very Making that allows me to be in the NOW. In the present time. There are no complicated strings to unravel in the NOW. There is no mourning the loss of anyone in the NOW, and there are no regrets over my hideous mistakes in the NOW. There is the Gesalt of Making and that makes me present in this Moment. I feel the closest to God in the NOW.
Christmas is complicated. With the studio under seige and the fingers loose like this, it is hard to stay Present. Yesterday I cast my net into the Past and remembered something that filled me with a terrible longing to see my Parents again. My sister asked me if I could write about something about my Dad that was a good memory. I would like to say that I would have loved my Dad if he had been an axe murderer, ditto my Mom. But the thing about growing up is accepting that we are all flawed. Even my Dad who I adored. He had a temper. I cast the net and it brought up an ugly, sad fish. Sometimes before you cast it back you have to hold it, and see what its about. Then you can throw it back.
Tomorrow, I am going to work on the Studio, getting it back in shape and organized, so I can begin again.

5 comments:

Ragged Raven said...

Sending you a big squishy moss hug.
-mw

Debra said...

Hi Robin. I hope your studio work is progressing well. Your little critters need you. So do we, out here in Realville.
Love, Debra

Wildflower Cabin said...

Your post was really encouraging to me. After a recent (September) loss of our precious 1 year old baby granddaughter, I know I will reunite with her again someday in heaven. My job now is to focus on the ones in my life at present and live in the NOW. Thank you for lifting me up with your words.

God bless you,
Janice

Stacey said...

Bless you for having the courage to speak your heart. Our families and ourselves do come with flaws...and that is ok. Took me years to say that and go on, living with now and creating from my heart. You have a gift to share with us all, in the gift of YOU. Happy New Year Robin, I'm so glad that I met here! I love the new looks and the music!


Stacey

Ter said...

Christmas and Life can surely be complicated.. Somtimes I think the complexity of life are what provide support and strength in building a stronger foundation. To me yours is like a wonderful willow tree standing proud and majestic with beautiful branches reaching out in so many creative directions. The sad fish can help create and define our character just don't hold him too long. Keep casting the net, as you know there are many other fish in the sea. And you know what, "Center" is way over rated, live life where there are fringes, they are fun to hold on to and can make for a heck of a ride.

love, Ter