Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Summer pain

Last night during a dream I was blogging, and the words just flowed like I had tapped into a fabulous Fountain of Words. I was Molten lava, erupting into a stream of red hot positive thoughts and humor. I was on word fire, able to explain my absence from my Blog in a most amusing fashion, in fact I woke myself up laughing.
Ah yes, I remember how all those thoughts  just streamed from me...last night.
Well, despite my best efforts to reach backward into the word stream, I find myself struggling to tell you all what is happening.
I am in Pain.
I am working on recovering from my shoulder joint replacement surgery and am in Physical Therapy.
I have a lovely little physical therapist and although I like her, I think she might be a closet sadist. I have repeatedly responded to her maneuvering of my arm by telling her that I would confess to everything, and that she could have all my money, possessions, and that all I really wanted was my dog.
She said she didn't really want my dog any way.
So let me tell you how I have been managing.
I truly believe in distraction as a method of coping with chronic pain, and so I have spent many hours in the studio, slowly working at small things, birds and feys and small dolls. Nothing overwhelming. while I worked, I listened...to my IPOD, and more recently to books on CD's that I have borrowed from the local Library. I am currently listening to the Fellowship of the Ring. I have read the trilogy front to back at least 11 times but there is something very comforting to me about being read to and in so doing allowing myself to be transported to the Company of Old Friends.
And that's what I am looking for: COMFORT!.
I also have tried hard to remember what I am grateful for. I am grateful that these summer days have not been fraught with the added burden of having to work at my job as a nurse. I am so grateful for this...it fills my heart with Thankfulness. I am also grateful to have a pool, beat up as it is. It has also been a source of Comfort and now a part of my Physical Therapy exercises.
I don't talk about my husband much, But I am grateful for him too, bringing me endless bags of ice and asking me if I have taken my medication for pain. I am also Grateful for my son's help mowing the yard, and my daughter's phone calls.
Support.
I am also grateful and feel blessed to have the support of my blog friends and Internet buddies, many of whom have sent care packages and cards...
and I am grateful for the prayers lifted on my behalf, some I am sure, that I would simply be struck dumb so they would not have to listen anymore to my complaints of pain...
I tell God in my Morning prayer that I am grateful to Him also.
And finally, I am allowing myself to sleep when I feel like it, eat healthy food and some not so healthy.
I have rediscovered my love of cereal and organic milk as a midnight snack and Lying in bed eating cherries.
Right now, I need to believe that this thing called pain will turn a corner, and that I will simply remember this as the summer I got "lennie," which is what I have named my joint replacement.
Right Now I think I need to Believe the direction and caution of my therapist, that my shoulder was very shabby for years before I had the replacement and so I am starting at a place far behind the line of others who are recovering.
Today, after I was finished my "therapy," and I use them terminology with some reservations...
I watched another patient while my shoulder was iced.
He was learning how to walk again.
He was not able to raise his leg unassisted, and so in some kind of sympathetic gesture to him, I raised my own two legs out in front of me. My therapist smiled at me and asked what I was doing...
I said,"Sending him sympathetic assistance."
He then raised his arm and placed his hand on his head, something I cannot now do...and I laughed and showed him my own limitation, because I think he thought I had None.
He smiled, and acknowledged my weakness in return.
We will have to help each other I said.
We will have to help each other Indeed.



11 comments:

Createology said...

I am so sorry you are in such excruciating pain. I would like to say "this too shall pass" as that brings me comfort. I will say prayers for you and send you bloggy healing hugs. I find your post refreshing in its open honesty. Life is difficult at times and we need to acknowledge those for what they are. Your family truly loves you...

Yitte said...

Dear Robin, i feel so bad reading about all the pain you have to go through. You know i'm on the same list for shoulder joint replacement and have to make that decision very soon. Reading your post i think we are never warned enough for the revalidation time and the pain. Hope that there soon comes a day that you stand up in the morning without that terrible pain and be glad that you have go through with that operation.
Many hugs
Yvonne

sharon said...

I continue to send prayers and my heart aches for you, because I know when I don't hear or see too much of you that you are suffering. You are facing this head on , and I would like to say that it can only get better from here. I am cheering for you from here......please remember that. Sending much love and prayer, and God WILL give you strength. Believe.

Dorthe said...

Oh my dearest Robin,
I know how bad you must feel, reading this long pain-and beautiful post from you.
Yvonne is right, in that you should be more warned about the side effects coming from such a surgery, even I guess we can never real prepare for pain!
You know you are in my heart and thoughts every single day, and that I also pray for you, to one day wake up without those terribly pains. I understand you are unpatient my Robin, and afraid it will not go away,- but it will, and it will be a weak remembrance in your mind one day, my dearest friend.
I send you my love, and my warm thoughts and prayers .
Your,Dorthe

Gollywobbles said...

What a lovely post; brought tears to my eyes....I believe God chose you to be an embassador to teach others the value of gratefulness, because of the example you are to remind us all to value our blessings, our shortcomings and limitations. I wondered how you are, wish you comfort and healing. warmly, Sam

Jayne said...

Hi Robin, just looking at your blog and f.book page after I awoke to find you had 'liked' my page. am sorry to meet you when you are in such pain. I hope each day you are a little better, pain is the worst thing ever, and no-one can feel it for you. Your work is incredible just my cup of tea. Nice to meet you. jayne x

Debra said...

Oh dear Baggs~ I am so sad about the pain. I would take it if that's how it worked.
You are a brave Soul.
I love you. And praying for you .

The Feathered Nest said...

Oh Robin...I can tell already that you are PRECIOUS!!! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers dear heart and hope for speedy healing and relief from your pain. I discovered you through sweet Dorthe and absolutely adore your artwork!!! Wishing you so much goodness, hugs and love, Dawn

Roses, Lace and Brocante said...

Hello again Robin
in a tiny wee fashion I understand your pain.
This time last year I had a fall and broke my right arm and wrist bones and the left hand was sprained.
My worst fear - that I couldn't 'do' for myself.... to be so vulnerable - I cried.

My heart is feeling your pain and I can give you words of encouragement and HOPE - this too will pass.
I'm sure your little Baggy 'Hope' has called on all the baggies you've created to send their encouraging thoughts of comfort and love dear Robin.

Sending you big warm VERY gentle hugs from an almost baggy friend in New Zealand!
Shane xox

Dezinaworld said...

gstemhoOh Robin, I feel for you my friend. The pain sounds so horrible and I myself suffer from chronic pain so i know the misery of it but I do hope your lovely 'sadist' can make a difference and help much more.
I had to giggle when you talked about losing the words for your blog. Oh how i hate that, I do it all the time, go to bed, get inspired for something, only to find it has 'gone' with the night when i awake.
Your blog is always lovely and well written and your art is gorgeous. Hope today you have a lovely studio day
Hugs June x

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